Two blog posts in one day. It's unprecedented, and might possibly be a sign of the impending apocalypse. When it starts raining fire, you can blame me. Or the president. I don't care.
I have this tendency to get incredibly involved in whatever I'm doing. I become so intensely absorbed that I forget about things that are conducive to an active, healthy lifestyle. Like eating. And moving. And drinking water.
Sometimes, I go from the time I wake up to the time I got to bed without eating anything, simply because I forget about food completely. I'll be hungry for, like, two minutes at a time, intermittently throughout the day, but forget about it so fast that I never get around to actually obtaining sustenance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's not healthy. Shut up. That's not the point, and no one asked you, anyway.
The point is, today was one of those days. I went 12 hours without food and forgot to drink water for, like, seven of those hours. Then I forgot to move for maybe three. I just sat in a chair, staring at a computer, working intently on designing this thing for this other thing. Let's not get into it. Suffice it to say I was staring at an iMac, listening to Eric Clapton, for a lot of hours, and I forgot completely about those basic everyday steps that keep humans, you know, alive.
When I reach a certain level of undernourished, dehydrated, frozen-in-carbonite 'tard, I begin having discussions with myself in my own brain. It's probably some small facet of my cerebellum pleading for help, appealing to the rest of my mind with every mite of its lingering ability.
These conversations go something like this. For the purpose of this entry, the voice of Logical Avalon will appear in bold; Idiot Avalon will retain normal typeface.
You need to print that page.
Oh, yeah. Printer's over there. Gotta get up. OH GOD MY LEGS. THEY HURT ME.
It's because you haven't moved from that position in three f***king hours, you moron.
Right, right. Forgot about that.
I know. Get your shit together. It's time to go home.
Yay! Overshirt, jacket, backpack...Looks like I have everything. Wait! Keys. Where are my keys?
In your backpack, dumbass. You put them there five hours ago.
Ah! There they are. Alright, let's go home.
'Bout time.
Wow. Staring at a computer screen for that long in a dark room really isn't conducive to navigating uneven terrain at night.
Your car's the other way.
Oh, right.
Why won't it reverse?
E-brake.
Ah, lol. Forgot.
I know.
So cold.
It's because you're an idiot. Turn on the heat.
Warmfasterwarmfasterwarmfaster
Turning now! Pay attention, Avalon.
AHH! Oh, God, sorry! My bad.
Just...MERGEMERGEMERGEDON'THITTHATSUVOHGOD
OH SWEET JESUS nah, we're good.
Did you just forget how to merge?
Maybe.
*facepalm*
Shut up. You wanna drive?
YES.
...Well , you can't, because you're not real. You're just an imaginary representation of the deteriorating state of my executive functions.
The dashboard is squeaking. Why is the dashboard squeaking?
Maybe there's a gerbil trapped inside.
Please don't talk. This is our exit, you know.
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
Just don't kill us.
Stupid light. We always have to wait here. Why are the stoplights blurry tonight?
I think our vision is tracking.
Oh. Is that a good thing?
No. Almost certainly not.
Why can't we see in straight lines?
Because you're an idiot and didn't drink water today.
Ah. Gotcha. Turning, turning, turningturningturning
For the love of God, stop singing.
Fine. You're no fun. Hey, this is our neighborhood! Almost home...
Finally. Jeez. Slow down, that might be a cop behind us.
Nope. Not a cop. Just passed us.
Well, slow down anyway. You might hit a child that's wearing dark clothes.
Would that be a bad thing?
Only in the sense that it would get us arrested.
Laaaaaaaame. Yaaaaaaay! Home! Garage door, open sesame!
Easy, easy OH GOD THOSE ARE STAIRS DON'T DRIVE THROUGH THEM THERE'S A FRIDGE THERE
BRAKES. There. Safe and sound inside.
Just...just get us inside.
Whoo, a little dizzy. Standing is blurry.
It's because you're an idiot.
We're swaying a little. Are we drunk?
I don't think we're drunk.
Hm. That's odd. Oh, well. What for dinner?
Just get liquid of some kind into our body and then eat something at least relatively nourishing. Please. For the sake of all that's holy.
Alright, fine. Will you shut up for a while if I do?
Yes.
Huzzah!
And now I'm eating saltines and milk and the logical part of my brain has shut off, for the time being.
And that was the story of how Avalon becomes so focused on tasks that her body goes into starvation mode and she forgets how to merge onto highways while driving. None of that was exaggerated, and no animals were harmed in the making of this production, except maybe for the dashboard gerbil.
_____________________
I'm gonna sing the doom song now.
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